Thursday, November 25, 2010

Old myspace blogs again

Aug 26, 2008
i don’t do trucker speed no more

i've been doing a lot of internal weighing of the goods/bads of my old life and my new life as defined by elements of late night sacrifice. what i mean by the last part is that my life used to be ruled by a drive to live each night to the fullest with the wastedunhappiness of the following day almost assured. i would get home from work and be amped to be out and ready to do something. rarely would i have anyone to do anything with at such late hours (getting home between 2am to 5am) and would make some coffee and stay up working on some art or music or whatever. if i was less pumped, i'd watch a movie and a half. sometimes i would stay up into the next day, till the afternoon, then crash for a few hours before having to go to work again. consequently, i'd get a lot of stuff done and be really messed up on no sleep and too much coffee all the time. or before coffee, it was mountain dew.
for a while, i existed in a kind of middle ground where i might start a project or something, but eventually go to sleep cuz i didn't drink any coffee, or the coffee i drank wouldn't do nothin on me. and that self preserving voice would come in, telling me to sleep.
more recently, i've discovered the pleasures of the after work beer or 3. in this set up, i can pretty much just have the energy to watch a movie after work. or if madeline is around, hang out with her. i get to sleep more, i feel better and less like a motorhead. and that's the thing, even though i was getting a lot done in my old life, i was always in that "GOGOGO!" can't be satisfied speedfreak mode. not happy, or at peace.
so i weigh that shit in my mind...and i have to admit, it makes me feel messed up to not have new zines and music coming out on a weekly basis.

and oh yeah, i work 38 hours a week now instead of the 28 i did for years. spirit crushed maybe? getting over the hill too?

and p.p.s. remember when you could go to the flywheel and on average of twice every 3 weeks see fat worm of error and fucking freak out with joy?

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